Understanding High-Functioning Anxiety: A Guide for Calgary Residents
- ryan filax-wylie
- Sep 19
- 2 min read
Updated: Oct 7
Quick Snapshot—Does This Sound Like You?
You over-prepare and still feel under-ready.
“Yes” is automatic, then resentment hits later.
Rest feels unsafe; you keep busy to keep the thoughts away.
You need reassurance (“Was that OK?”) then doubt it seconds later.
Sleep is light, shallow, or wired-and-tired.
If 3 or more resonate with you, you’re in the right place.
What’s Going On Under the Hood
Anxiety Loop in Plain Language
Trigger: An email, a look, a deadline.
Story: “If I drop the ball, people will see I’m not enough.”
Body: Tight chest, shallow breath, jittery focus.
Fix: Overwork, perfectionism, people-pleasing (it works… briefly).
Reinforcement: Relief teaches the brain, “Do more of that.” The loop hardens.
Common “High-Functioning” Masks
Perfectionism: Endless polishing, missed sunsets.
Productivity as Self-Worth: You relax only when you’ve “earned” it.
People-Pleasing: Harmony now, resentment later.
Control: If you plan every variable, nothing can hurt you. (It still does.)
What Actually Helps: Evidence-Based Tools
CBT—Work with Thoughts, Not Against Them
Name the Thought: “If I say no, I’ll let them down.”
Test It: What would I tell a friend? What’s the base rate this fear comes true?
Right-Size It: Replace “always/never/must” with “sometimes/might/prefer.”
Try It Live: Say no politely once this week; track the outcome.
Behavioural Experiments—Update the Brain with Data
Pick One “Safety Behaviour”: (triple-checking, over-prepping).
Dial It Down: Reduce by 30% on a low-risk task.
Record: Did performance drop? Anxiety after 30 minutes? After 24 hours?
Exposure with Self-Compassion
Build a Graded Ladder: (easy → hard). Example:
1. Send an email without re-reading 3 times.
2. Voice a preference at lunch.
3. Leave one small task unfinished until tomorrow.
Pair Each Step with a Kindness Script: “Anxiety is here, and I can handle this.”
Body First—Because Your Nervous System Runs the Show
Physiological Sigh (x2): Inhale, tiny top-up inhale, long slow exhale.
Paced Breathing 4-6: 4 seconds in, 6 seconds out for 2–3 minutes.
Micro-Resets: Stand, roll shoulders, soften jaw, lengthen exhale before big tasks.
Values > Velocity
List Your Top 5 Values: (e.g., family, health, integrity, learning, presence).
For Each, Add One Tiny Weekly Action: (15 minutes) that serves it.
Achievement Becomes Directed, Not Frantic.
When High-Functioning Anxiety Hits Relationships
Reassurance Loops: Asking for constant “It’s fine” fatigues your partner. Swap in clear requests (“I’m anxious about X. Could you do Y today?”).
Over-Functioning: Doing everything blocks others from stepping up. Try delegation experiments at home or work.
When to Get Extra Help
Signs to Watch For:
- Panic, persistent insomnia, irritability, or avoidance are creeping bigger.
- Your world is shrinking (fewer social plans, fewer risks).
- You’re using alcohol, cannabis, or caffeine to manage the edges.
How I’ll Work with You: What Sessions Look Like
Mapping Your Unique Loop: We’ll identify triggers, thoughts, body responses, and behaviours.
Building a Two-Week Plan: We’ll incorporate CBT tools, an exposure ladder, and body-based resets.
Tracking Results: We’ll monitor progress between sessions so we can adjust quickly.
Session Availability: In-person in Calgary or securely online across Alberta.
Take the First Step
If you’re ready to explore these tools and find clarity, I invite you to book a free 15-minute consult. Together, we’ll identify one change you can try this week.
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